all doped up
It’s not business as usual so far this July. Summer freshmen orientation at VT has me doing some Apple stuff day-in and day-out. It’s a pleasant change from the usual lab work but, after a week and a half of this stuff, I miss the usual lab work, I miss those tests, and I miss those acoustic epoxies.
But, I’m able to carefully watch le tour since there are several free video feeds. Now that much of Becky’s move has been accomplished, I’m also able to get back on the bike as opportunity presents itself. And, thankfully so, because I’ve been getting antsy from watching tour coverage and from feeling my legs turn to gelatin.
And, the SHOCKING news this year is that one of the main contenders has tested positive for EPO and his entire team pulled out this morning. This happened last year when some of the testing procedures were more lax and when the cycling community really hadn’t taken any critical step to begin preventing its use. 2008 presents a new slate for cycling—the attitude towards doping is significantly less ambivalent. Major team sponsors pulled their funds last fall and this spring in response to the doping issues while the teams themselves realized that not only could they be pulled from the popular events for testing positive but the corporate future of cycling could be irreversibly shattered. It’s nice to race bikes but cycling relies on advertising and sponsorship to get by. Imagine Budweiser pulling its support from American football or Coca-Cola backing out of NBA investments. That would strike fear into the hearts of even the most grossly oversized linebackers.
Ricardo Ricco was the stupid, spotlight-obsessed doper this year. What’s worse is that he has a natural predisposition towards high red blood cell count simply due to genes, which is what EPO tries to enhance. If you have one get-out-of-jail-free card, why bargain with your Monopoly mates for a second one? Why not, instead, work towards some hotel installments? Too much investment in antidotes inevitably means you’ll drown in a new poison. Anyways. If you’re going to get caught doping, why not get caught with some ridiculously large volume of EPO in your system? Like blowing a 0.44 breathalizer for a DUI, some of these cyclists should go out in flames with a 50/50 blood/drugs concentration.
While I’m happy with my current cycling performance, it would be nice to have off-days where I still crush the locals in the Wednesday race ride. So far this summer, I’ve been doping up on cinnamon sugar secretly embedded into my morning bagel and 2% milk in my morning coffee. I hear the combination unlocks a wild red blood cell flourish, an easter egg feature Mother Nature didn’t want you to know about. It seems to work, too. When I commute in the morning, I race past other cyclists and sneer at their mountain bike tires and visor-mounting helmets. And those panniers?! What a joke. I need neither saddlebag nor messenger pack—with a basic application of duct tape, I can semi-permanently adhere my laptop, cellphone, chargers, and textbooks to my body and keep the aerodynamic loss to a minimum.
Fin.