RyanHarne.com

It wasn’t even 48 hours in my past, and I awoke trying to see if a routine would provide another opportunity for healing. I am usually at ABP by 7am, but today I couldn’t make it there before 9:15. And when there, apart from my friends behind the counter, I was alone.

Then, I walked to Durham to try and catch up with my professor about research things, if I would even be able to talk about them. I passed by the edge of police tape demarcating the boundary around the Norris scene. For the first time, I noticed the 2nd floor open windows and the weight of my messenger bag was too great. I remember nothing in between that moment and then discovering that I was also the only person in Durham Hall, no faculty to be found.

By the time I made it to Burchard, my studio desk, I felt as if I had been weathered by years of reluctant erosion. Doing work was almost impractical - recognizing that I was actively seeking a distraction was the switch that cut off all productivity. Granted, I was looking for comfort in the routine, a healing mechanism and not specifically an avoidance procedure; however, the reality was still too fresh.

I will speak of this vaguely, but I eventually caught up with my professor about research, but we never talked about research. There was no point.

I had imagined a few strong souls on campus would be able to press forward in light of the tragedy. But it is practically impossible. The community is alive, but in our units, our knees buckle and our breaths falter.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, April 18th, 2007 at 10:47 pm and is filed under , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.