RyanHarne.com

I suppose if this were a video blog, you’d see my many-days-unshaven face, slightly exhausted persona, and certainly weakened disposition. Despite that, the past three days have been great and crunchy on the outside and full of gooey not-so-awesome stress on the inside. It’s an awkard duality, one I appreciate but also one that truly, truly stresses me. (Facing a bad moment after another bad moment is alright to a certain extent, but facing a bad moment after a crucial jovial moment is tough to maneuver).

For example. As an easy segue, vtmug had a drillfield table again today. It was super relaxing and full of mild weather - even just the conversation about Apple is pleasant. Plus, I got to play with a newborn golden retriever that was shorter than the length of my shoe. However, to get to those fantastic moments, I had to stay up late to finish a flyer for an event we have scheduled for next Monday. And I also had to keep in mind that by hanging out with my friends, I was losing precious time on other coursework activities, particularly a pre-lab. That’s frustrating to think about, even more so when it came to mind while enjoying my time on the drillfield.

Or another polar frustration. After Tuesday’s class, I spoke to my acoustics professor about research once again. I informed him of the contacts I had made to get paperwork-relate tems rolling. While we walked to his office and discussed research stuff, he said, “by the way, I think you got a 95 on the test [midterm]” in his Argentinian accent. That made me feel amazing, and it was, to some degree, an affirmation that I am heading in the proper direction by pursuing this specific area. Then, later in our talk, he said he would likely be able to offer me some research opening but then asked me what I wanted to do. Not only was I speechless, but I was utterly disappointed I had no response. All of this time in contemplation, I had expected to just hop onto an existing project; I had no prior expectation or perception that I literally get to start my own specific ryanharne research. I had nothing to reply back to him with, so I said I would think about it.

It was another hideous example of satisfaction and exasperation within one fell swoop.

I only scrape at the many onion-layers of this duality I have been experiencing lately. Some of them are easier to handle and some really hurt to deal with. I don’t ask for a middle ground. I ask for endurance.

A middle ground would eventually put me into a drab complacency. The endurance keeps me alive and freshly focused for potential opportunities that will knock at my door.

Oh. I promised some friends I would be a Macintosh Classic for Halloween and I am going to keep that promise, even if I have to pay for the cardboard. The best part will be a group RA-related presentation that evening.

The advent of course request for the upcoming semester always gets my blood moving; my mood is enhanced and I acquire a positive outlook for the future. This time particularly so, since I am planning a lighter semester with the anticipation adding on some research later on. And also particularly so this time around since I will very soon be taking the GRE and plan on having a chat with the ME graduate school secretary tomorrow.

It’s a prime time to be reinvigorated about my academics since I’ve been steadily approaching a dreary apathy. The stress that culminated over the summer still lingers on since rest/REM/respite has avoided my grasp for months now. The course request season is a beautiful detachment from the cares that ever-surround me.

While I was on duty last night [duty being something required of RAs as a comrade of the university], I began to watch The Umbrellas of Cherbourg. It was recommended to me several times, so I rented it from the library for a viewing. Also, it is more operatic than musical since every form of dialogue is sung with brilliant precision - thus, my love for musical films was reignited. But that is apart from my tale.

Halfway through the film, I stopped to do rounds [part of duty] and also do some stretching to keep me awake. During the stretching, I practiced my German with another lesson. Ich habe vierzehn Dollar, keine De Mark. [Yes, I know they use Euros now, but whatever]. After some tending to my muscles, both linguistic and protein-composed, I returned to Parapluies.

I began to fall asleep as soon as the film ended, which corresponded with the last time I had to do rounds in the hall. As I started walking around, feeling still drowsy and full of languages, I heard some people talking in an entranceway. It wasn’t a language I could recognize, probably Turkish. When I reached another floor, I heard some people talking in English. I knew it was English, but I couldn’t make sense of it; everything in mind was composed of sing-song French and basic, dirty German - English was unintelligible for me at the moment. Were an emergency happen and I would have to respond with the police, I would have been incoherent, likely spitting out a few umlauts or tenor French wisps.

Anyways, I really enjoy these dimensional shifts.

Sorry. It took way too long. Even I was getting antsy. Like pulling my sideburns hair out antsy. Like shuffling eyes, anxious hands antsy. Like assassin around the corner antsy.

I added a motherload of photos to the Photos page. Quite appropriately. Maybe not a motherload, exactly - but a lot.

Enough to appease my ants.

Though I love making lattes for people, specifically a few people who enjoy good barista-ship, and though I love working with the people I do, particularly bakers - I still told Ranae that I would be leaving Bollo’s entirely in the spring. My schedule right now is practically nonexistant, so it won’t be a terrible stretch to toss the remaining shifts off. But still, I will go from being an official employee, to, again, an unofficial employee. It will hurt, kind of like an evil-morning-without-coffee hurt.

Yet, I must do it. Academically, the spring semester will be guerilla warfare and these RA duties, though lighter next semester, still add up to a significant amount of work each and every week. Plus, I spoke to a professor this week who is trying to get me involved in some of his research which will be for-credit in the spring. Lastly, the type of level stress I am experiencing is causing me to stutter which I do not appreciate.

But right now, everything is a blur. I am not sure whether my eyes are tired or my body weak. Or whether I need some quality coffee to really perk my systems up.

My solace is the temperature which is dropping quickly here; once the sun settles down for the evening, the necessity for sweaters and scarves becomes known. I love it. Visitors in my room think I am nuts for keeping the windows open and fans blowing; but I dearly love curling up in a pile of blankets and random clothes to fall asleep in the winter. I may one day suffocate in one of these setups, what with all of the blankets around me, but know I will suffocate with a smile.

It is likely that the interstate leading by Virginia Tech will, this night, be clogged with traffic containing students returning from their long weekend. Probably a car accident or two, maybe some blown tires. Flashing lights, sirens possibly. Good for them.

The campus was still deserted today, despite the gorgeous blue sky, completely unscathed by clouds or cloud impersonators. During this period of perfect view and while waiting for a friend at a coffeeshop outdoors area, I spotted some planes high up. We are used to seeing planes overhead here, partially due to the airport nearby but also due to the fact that there must be a domestic air travel turn nearby Blacksburg. At a specific point a few miles west of the town, all west-traveling plane paths seem to divert by about 10 or 12 degrees towards the north. Anyways, seeing contrails is nothing new. But today it was.

The planes I saw weren’t intersecting at different heights as is common; they seemed to be on a level with each other. With one of them taxiing the other along. Or guarding. Here is a shot I took with zoom. On closer inspection, thanks to many megapixels, it seems one is a military jet, it seems. If anyone has information as to whether Air Force One or Air Force Two were traveling over southwestern Virginia today, I’d be interested in hearing.

Later tonight, while waiting for a dinner comrade, I was watching another plane’s contrails in the sky. As it moved further away, I saw something fall from it, or appear to fall from it. The object was at first a very small dot that reflected light in the same way that the underbody of the large jet did. The object kept getting larger and larger and eventually its brightness equaled that of the jet. But, quickly, possibly only 20 seconds after having appeared, while at full brightness in the sky, the object entirely disappeared. How odd. I imagine either an ejection pod was launched from the plane, or by fluke of perspective I had actually witnessed a meteorite coming into the atmosphere to eventually destroy itself in the stratosphere. If anyone hears of jet emergency ejection news or hears of large meteorite news, I’d be interested in hearing.

What a day! I should look skyward more frequently. Or, at least, ask for less cloud cover.