a formal statement
To future roommates, apartmentmates, livingmates or deckmates,
Let us never have pets. While having friends over who may own pets is fine, and even exchanging a few handshakes with a well-trained canine is feasible, having pets in any living quarters of mine is strictly forbidden.
Do not misunderstand this request as bias, although it is. I am biased for my own health and and personal longevity. In the past and growing up, I could play with pets all day long; but, as I’ve aged and I attempt feebly to grow faux beards, it appears that 90% of the domesticated animals I come across all cause me to sneeze profusely and lather on a lush red eye. This is more than an irritation and closer to a destructive deterrent to my day/evening.
To provide an alternative to pets, I highly encourage the implementation of smart robots in the home. While some robots could nearly equal a domesticated animal in playful capacity, they lose all of the drawbacks associated with the typical biological form. Drawbacks include: poop, drool on my sweaters, the smell of wet dogs, the smell of 90% of dogs, shedding cat hair, and litter box management. Food costs are also kept at a minimum, particularly if our living space is powered by solar generators.
As an added bonus, we could adopt a truly smart robot, one that could provide us hours of reality entertainment at greater than HD resolution. Just imagine - perfect shading, perfect depth imaging, unfiltered audio - all because our robot is real. And by our robot, I specifically mean mine. (”Let’s take a vote; Jon, you take out the trash. Vortron and I agree. That’s 2 to 1.”)
If these advantages are not enough for your change of heart, I will find other methods of removing pets from my house. Local humane societies are typically willing to accept new tenants. Also, industrial trash compactors turn a big mess into a small inconvenience.
By chance, if your pet choice lies within the 10% that do not cause me severe bodily discomfort, we will talk about it.
Lotsa love,
Ryan
Intro to Robotics in the spring should be a blast. Or another semi-exciting noun.
October 25th, 2006 at 10:13 pm
To all ryanharne.com readers! Don’t be fooled! This last entry was obviously written by an imposter wishing to disparage Ryan’s love of cuddly pets.
Here’s proof.
October 25th, 2006 at 11:17 pm
My cover is blown..
Actually, I could hold that pup for a few minutes before my eyes would become pink. Now that it is full-grown, I am entirely unable to be around it or anything it comes in serious contact with (i.e. a car or certain garment).
Ha. I just said “certain garment”. I think that is kind of funny. Kind of.
April 19th, 2008 at 3:24 pm
oh, how glad i am that you have done a 180 on this issue. otherwise, i would have to dump you. xo
April 19th, 2008 at 7:43 pm
we can also have a llama, if you wish.