banana split for mah baby
I know milk goes bad. I know fruit goes bad. I even know that unpreserved preservatives will, eventually, go bad. But I did not know that coffee beans go bad. I took it for granted that all dry foods tend to have a longer shelf life than their moist counterparts.
When I purchased my beloved espresso maker, I bought some of the ground Espresso Roast from Starbucks. That was… about two months ago. For the past week or so, every attempt at making a latte at home has resulted in me having a horrible stomach ache. Imagine a professional contortionist turning her/himself into a human box; then imagine that kind of compression and distortion to be the state of my stomach. Those lattes would make me fall to the floor and just writhe in an agony that words couldn’t express. However, it seems that I can express it now since I’m at least taking a shot at putting feeling to post. Whatever.
Of course, there was a cautious note on the side of the Starbucks bag that I observed when I first purchased it. “Once this bag is opened, we suggest using it within seven days.” Hmm. Well, let’s see… two months turns into about… 60 days. Perhaps, I may have let the little bugger catch up with me. But those are just supposed to be suggestions. The whole idea of them is to urge you back through their corporate doors eager to hand over more dollars and cents. There was no possible way for me to go through almost a pound of ground espresso beans in one week. No. Possible. Way. At. All. I’m already an espresso junkie; that dosage would turn me into a werewolf.
So, I stopped by Joe Bean’s to pick up some new stuff. I’m not sure what I got, but Rianna was the one handing me the bag, so I yielded to her counsel without question. It could be cocaine for all I know, I still haven’t opened it up; however, if Rianna would recommend me cocaine to make espresso with, I know I’m in for a real treat. Somehow, though, I doubt Joe Bean’s takes part in under-the-counter drug trafficking. But I have no proof of that, only hopeful speculation 
May 26th, 2005 at 11:10 pm
Well, of course coffee beans go bad. Dork. And the sell-by dates aren’t so much for the dollars-and-cents, as they are for avoiding lawsuits. Think McDonalds and WARNING! CONTENTS HOT. Yeah, it’s kinda like that.
Next time you’re in the burg, remind me to send you home with some of Bollo’s espresso. We use a Gaviñia bean, Espresso Continental. Good stuff.
~dk
May 27th, 2005 at 2:11 am
I wouldn’t have thought that coffee beans went bad either (and doesn’t that sound like a really awful movie–WHEN COFFEE BEANS GO BAD!), but I’m glad to know that it only appears to happen once the seal has been broken. I ordered some coffee over the Web several months ago, and it came in whole-bean form; I don’t own–and still have yet to order–a grinder, but the “use by” date is sometime in July, so hopefully I won’t experience the gastronomic calisthenics that you’ve been having.
May 29th, 2005 at 10:58 pm
Haha! I knew that. We throw out the espresso beans a week after we open the package. But that never ever happens. Tossing espresso is a myth.
May 29th, 2005 at 11:01 pm
p.s. It’s good for like a billion months if it’s still sealed [the expiration date on one of our bags is in november of this year]. Weird, no?