starbright
Tonight gave me a pure sky to look into, up at, to draw me in. First, I saw Venus, who has been hiding away since last autumn; I watched her perched there as she slightly varied her intensity through the moments, seconds. Next, another star came to attention, just a star I suppose, but more star than I could ever be. Then another star came out of nowhere and my eyes adjusted to it accordingly. Then another, and before long I realized that the sky was supersaturated with stars, overwhelmed with pin pricks of light being sent to us from near-infinitely far away.
Just about this time, I remembered that today is the 30th anniversary of the last American helicopter fleeing South Vietnam. I thought about the chaos that was involved that evening. Troops trying to pack onto the sky-bound machines as Vietnamese citizens cried out for the Americans to take them along. But the choppers were already too packed, we could come crashing down into the waters if we take any more. I saw the poignant fear in mothers’ eyes as they held up their infants to the troops, the ones closest were grasped quietly and comforted in the arms of a men carrying enough weapontry to clear out a village. The child was safe in his arms. The communists were advancing and the helicopters had to leave, leave now, no one else.
I bet the skies were overcast that night, not by clouds but because of gunsmoke and the dust that grenades pick up and move around. Even still, I can see the airborne debris calming as the slaughter continued on the ground. And the skies became clear, once full of nauseous helicopter fuels and the whir of propellers, but now the skies were serene even though the ground setting granted sights of oozing blood and twitching flesh.
Today, I finished Catch 22. Nearing the end, I almost threw up. I rushed out of my seat at work during lunch and walked around for a while because the reality of it entirely encompassed me. Try as we must, there’s no way that we can disregard the odious nature of war. Especially unnecessary war. Especially war began as an offensive.
April 25th, 2005 at 9:13 pm
You’re getting a little too heavy. These last few posts seem out of a student lit notebook… a student who wears black way too much…
April 25th, 2005 at 9:19 pm
I apologize and agree; however, I write down how I am feeling at the time, and lately I have been incredibly reflective.
Perhaps Tuesday will show itself to be loud, vulgar, obnoxious, and strikingly fun. Then I will have fun.
For the record, I wore blue and yellow today; black was on Saturday, I believe.
April 25th, 2005 at 9:58 pm
Perhaps your heaviness is due the fact that you have not been around ME.
But I like your heaviness. It’s better than reading some of those lame blogs by people who write things like, “I made my own hat” or “I went to class. I’m so cool.”
April 25th, 2005 at 10:18 pm
For my part, I think it was a good entry. You’re writing what you’re feeling and thinking about.
And what’s that they say… “a sad face is good for the heart?” Well, at least it’s the lyric to a song. And that’s good enough for me.
April 26th, 2005 at 12:04 am
I love posts like these. It’s almost as if I’m reading a book - a good one, at that. I’m far too timid to write anything too reflective in my blog, so kudos to you!