RyanHarne.com

In middle school, we had these special gatherings in the gym prior to Christmas break. I would suppose that they don’t continue the tradition of pulling all kids out of class and into the gym in fear of A.) possibly getting behind on the SOLs and B.) for terrorist attacks that may focus on high-children saturation areas. But back in the days of innocence and ignorance, the entire middle school body got together for an hour or two of clamoring excitement.

I use “excitement” lightly as us cool, hip, and otherwise bratty middle schoolers tried to feign interest in the holiday music and performances that were elaborately displayed before us. I recall one particularly memorable time when twelve faculty members dressed up like one of the “twelve days of Christmas” and as the music of the song played they entered the gym dancing around in their “cows a’milking” or “lords a’leaping” outfits. That was humorous, and even the less responsive of us kids had to chuckle at the sight.

But there’s one performance that still stands out in my mind, and, for some reason, seems to haunt my middle school memories whenever I reminesce. The principal at the time, and another faculty member who doesn’t quite come to my memory clearly enough, would sing a song called “A Hole in the Bucket”. This had nothing to do with the holidays (as a few of the performances didn’t either) but it was funny and worth the time. These two authority figures were dressed up in their redneck-hillbilly-sandy-dandy best with overalls (slightly above the ankles), straw hats, and flannel everything-else. The sight alone was great, but the song added that punch.

Basically, since I can’t remember lyrics (see past blog entries), they sang about a hole in the bucket and carried a catchy rhythm that was hard to shrug off (or forget - as I am attesting to). So they sang about a hole in that bucket. And no matter what those two did, there was a hole in the bucket. Hole in the bucket. HOLE IN THE BUCKET.

As all intelligent defense attorneys know, if you can make a proper analogy, an analogy sufficient enough to change the mind of just one jury member, you can save the life of your defendent (or reasonable doubt works as well). So, I am blaming the mindless repetition of the “Hole in the Bucket” chorus to the current abyss that now occupies valuable real estate in my mouth.

Yes. There is a black hole in one of my upper molars and it HURTS. Quite possibly a filling may have fallen out, but I stick to my story that those minutes of continuous Hole in the Bucket rhythms haunted my dreams enough to start a cataclysmic downward spiral in which my body will fall into a million pieces. And I demand swift and complete retribution from the Bedford County School Board.

But ::ouch!:: my toof does ache.

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 13th, 2005 at 2:11 pm and is filed under , . You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.