RyanHarne.com

Ever felt like you’re on the edge of having a headache but it never quite reaches that point? How about, have you ever had this awful intuition that something really bad is about to happen that people may not be recognizing? Yeah, that’s me right now; I have this quasi-headache (all day long) and this ‘bad feeling in my gut’ about this.

So I come home to find a new driveway. After a long winter of a maleable driveway due to the incredible amount of snowfall and therefore melting water that makes the gravel and dirt mix so much, we have finally gotten a new driveway. My father apparently ordered the chemically engineering gravel, a revolutionary technological discovery, that produces no dust. The gravel is also very fine, like a large piece of sand; so it’s very quite while traveling over it. Interesting.

Also, I find out that there’s going to be a presidential announcement tonight. Hmm, that’s odd.

So I’m at Stacy’s house tonight for the FP meeting, and after it we eat and watch the declaration. So now that the ultimatum is out, I wonder what’s going to happen. Maybe I should just refer back to that bad feeling I’ve been having. I’ll say no more than that, I don’t want this intuition to come true either.

For some reason I’ve been in this huge oldies music thing for the past couple days. Ever since Lauren’s party (when she graciously brought some great cds to play) I’ve been mentally twisting and doing the hop. It’s great.

In Christian music, some recent radio singles have been in the praise/worship category. Normally I don’t a big fuss about stuff like that. Except when it came to Rebecca St. James’ “Worship GOD” album and then stuff from countless others. Now SONICFLOOd’s (the new crappy version of the band; the post-Rick-Heil-sued-the-original-band-members band) new single is “The Famous One.” Hmm…sounds like a familiar title. So not only can any band rip off one of the greatest Passion songs in existence, but they can also play it exactly like the original and then make money on it. Wow! What a deal! Plus Third Day’s new Offerings album; yeah, what a hoot. I’m SICK of this rip-off praise music. I can’t stand listening to Christian radio anymore because it’s shallow and unoriginal. I bet Fanny J. Crosby is spinning in her grave right now; if any artist thinks they can take one of her songs I’m sure she’ll come back to life and strangle them. Down with the new SONICFLOOd, praise song rip-offs, and the radio strations that play them!

Also it’s just dumb when you hear the Dixie Chicks bash the president; when you watch George Clooney say no to war. What next, Clint Eastwood opposing aggressive negotiations? Celebrities, you are rich, spoiled, and oftentimes frugal people; shut up before we lose all respect for you.

Wow, that was a good release for me. I haven’t vented in a blog in a while. I need more of these.

Oh yeah, I watched Jonah, A Veggietales Movie yesterday night. That was the first Veggietales anything I’ve ever seen, and wow it was good. Of course it is more so tailored for little kids, but there is plenty of humor that appeals to most anyone. 5.7 out of 10.

First: Happy Birthday Kristine!

Yesterday was Pi Day (3.14), which is basically a national holiday at JF so all day long people were eating and eating and eating. This is not just another reason to party during high school, but also a way of celebrating all things round and of encouraging people with more time than they have life to memorize pi to several hundred decimal places. You better recognize!

And last night was Lauren’s b-day party which I dj-ed. It was somewhere in Rustburg (I guess that’s how everyone describes any location in Rustburg).

As far as the dj-ing thing goes, I’m really getting tired of it. I’ve dj-ed parties, weddings, and other social events for easily two years now and the excitement is simply wearing off. Most of it is due to an extreme difficulty in hauling all my equipment around (especially lights which require infant care). Also I’m sick of the way people treat dj’s. It’s as if we’re just the stupidest people on the earth and if we can’t get everything right and appeal to everyone’s sympathies at the same time then we suck and don’t deserve to be paid. I guess I’ll drop the dj thing for now and wait until Jeremiah and I make our first and second million to open up ‘the club.’ At least the demand will be reversed because then people will go to it instead of call upon it. Oh well, just another life-long goal.

So by now you’re probably wondering what my blog title has to do with any of what I’ve written thus far. Obviously I’m not angry about the birthdays of Kristine and Lauren, and I’m definitely not going to whine about Pi Day. For some reason, I’ve been angry so often recently. It’s as if my natural state of being has become anger. Sometimes I’ll be mad about school, mad about home, mad about myself (most likely) and it’s normally without cause or just reason. This is just weird and confusing. It could be unnoticed or denied stress about something, but whatever it is I want to root it out and be calm and normal again. Hey, look, I can be my own counselor!

I’m so very much loving the ease at which I can update now, that it makes my blogging a more enjoyable thing to do, and my comments are hopefully reflecting that.

First, Elizabeth Smart is back! That’s so incredible. I remember last summer when they announced her disappearance and then the long and drawn out number of kidnappings followed suit, coming as close as just a half hour from Lynchburg. After such a prolonged absense it’s extremely rare to find a kidnapped child alive, and in such nice condition; Elizabeth is of course very much shaken up from it but she is healthy. Miracles do happen, folks.

There’s much personal turmoil happening right now in my life. Including school stuff, home stuff, scholarships stuff, VT stuff, THP stuff. I would like to thank my friends for backing me up (and giving me truth) in this time because it’s honestly been very discouraging. Self-discovery is a good thing, especially when you realize you have so much to fix. Which happens to pertain to myself and my life.

In College English, we’re doing another work-by-yourself-and-the-teacher-does-nothing project on body language. I’m actually learning an enormous amount about this topic while doing this and am finding out so much about myself and others. I’m especially interested in the posture aspect of it because just that one trait of our being exudes so much definition. Maybe I’ll write my essay on that aspect. Did you know that people in agreement, like friends or co-workers, tend to mirror each other’s motions? Or did you know that a realistic person is most likely to have a ‘perfect’ posture (aka head, neck, and spine all in a straight vertical alignment)? And did you know also that people have a normal misconception of how to stand up straight; people have a tendency to actually lean forward in their mindset of being ‘perfectly straight’. Oh well, I find this very interesting. You can laugh at me all you want

I’ve begun my big search into college scholarships. Obviously my trek has begun late because most scholarships are awarded not long after the Christmas season, so my choices and options are limited already. Not to mention such things as affirmative action and how diversity apparently heavily enhances your chances of winning these awards. And since I’m a white male, well, that says about everything. According to most higher-level educational institutions, my class of people are too dominant in this world and have more control than other people of other walks of life. I don’t understand this philosophy at all; ever since minority-focus has become the trend, the white male “category” has incredibly declined in abilities and authority, meaning that our resources are, and will continue to be, depleted rapidly whereas our resources are quickly funneled to lesser numbered peoples. So anyways, I won’t be surprised if I don’t turn out a dime in scholarships. I wouldn’t mind some financial help however.

We’ve started learning the Star Wars symphony in Advanced Symphonic Band. I’ve always wanted to play this and just never knew how I’d get that done, seeing the talent that existed at school. But this year (and last year as well, after we played the LOTR original score) our director has decided to try it. So far I’m having an incredibly easy time picking up on it, because I’ve been playing it myself for years. Around my 7th grade year, my parents wanted me to continue playing trombone over the course of the summer, and since I was enthralled with Star Wars at the time they went out and purchased the melodic score transposed entirely for trombone. This was a little incentive to get better. So I played that thing until I honestly started to not like it. But since I’m now a senior, and nostalgia has kicked in full-force, I’m really looking forward to hear this in it’s entirety.

And some symphonic related news: I’ve finally learned how to double-tongue. And for you pitiful, non-musically educated people out there, double-tonguing is the ability to pronunciated a note with your tongue in the upward direction and the downward direction instead of solely relying on downward movement. It’s a difficult thing to be taught and catch on to, so most of the time people learn without knowing it. And that’s how I got it. I was just warming up for our trombone quartet practice on Monday and all of a sudden I realized I could ‘tongue’ really fast. So, yeah, now I’m kind of glad to see some more progression in my playing. But it’s kind of odd because, since I have been playing the Star Wars music for a long time, I learned how to triple-tongue before double-tongue. Maybe it’s the incessantly annoying triplet-sixteenth notes lined back-to-back-to-back, but oh well.

Saturday was very good. After a rather long and tiring week, things kind of elevated to a point of exhausted realism where I had to simply relax and, in this case, converse what’s been stored up inside for a while.

And that’s what I did. I went to see Antwone Fisher with Rianna. First about the film. A rather dramatic piece of true masterpiece regarding one man’s road to inward redemption and soul-searching. Somehow I seemed to relate in so many aspects. His struggle of holding back so much anger regarding the past was perfectly matched in acting, and the character of Denzel Washington contributed sincerely to the effectiveness of this movie. I admit there were some odd plot nuances that kind of threw me off for a second, but they were easily overshadowed by the sheer force and impact this movie had to give. I enjoyed this movie greatly and am directly motivated to get it on DVD when it releases. 8.2 out of 10.

After the movie, Rianna and I went over to Applebee’s for some dessert, Hershey Triple Layer Cake, and some conversation. I guess true friendship is found in honesty, which was an important aspect to the conversations we shared. Leaving Applebee’s I felt some sense of self-discovery, like I finally was able to open up to my own faults and recognize that the issues of my life are more likely the result of my error than of the great combinative error of others. Life is, truly, what you make of it.

And a musical point of interest. I first heard Evanescence on ZJAM, then found out they are on the DareDevil soundtrack, and then saw the ad in the BestBuy Sunday paper for their cd. So I finally gave in and bought the cd for a nicely low price at BestBuy. After the huge explosion of success of Linkin Park, there were many imitations that tried to totally rip off the dark, heavy rock with a great bass beat sound; very few of these posers came away with more than a bad reputation from the music community. Evanescence changes that. But not to say they have ripped off LP’s sound, not at all. Evanescence is more of the dark, deep rock sound, topped off with the incredible vocals of Amy Lee. That’s right; intense, and good, hard rock with female vocals. Something I’ve never heard before. I’ve listened to this cd several times the whole way through already (in less than 24 hours…ha, I’m a music-loving loser) and it’s quite groundbreaking. And I love it. Check it out.

Also the whole Linkin Park-sounding Evanescence has put me into this massive LP mood where I just want to solely listen to that type of music. So I naturally have done a lot of LP listening myself, and I honestly can say I’m liking them more. It’s as if the trance-like state of the fan mindset is setting it, but not likely because I’m so don’t play favs with music or movies. But, regardless, I do appreciate the sound of LP more.