RyanHarne.com

These last couple days have defnitely been ones of difference. I went from being myself, to being another, to being someone new. Maybe this will help explain.

Immediately following the Columbia disaster, I payed little attention to the coverage and details of it feeling that this was of no importance to me. I even became very angry after seeing a church’s lawn sign thing read "Remember Our Astronauts, True Heroes" because I argued that the loss of teachers and doctors doesn’t get into the newsworthy positions but seven space people could get all the immortalization they want simply by working for the U.S. Government. So I became highly cynical of the whole situation. I despised hearing of the tragedy and consistently shunned it from my thoughts except when I was raged enough to tear it apart with criticism. I returned home today from a very normal day of school to turn on the tv straight to FoxNews of course. They had sort of played over Cavuto’s show to go to the NASA briefing about updates and then went to a summary of the memorial service that was held today in honor of those who died. I watched this large group of people in solemn silence, not moving or being swayed by the chilled air, but instead staring ahead or to the ground. I saw the president as Fox summarized his speech with a few highlightable quotes. Then I saw a final video clip of the Columbia in descent. After a little over a month of work in space these astronauts were returning home as scheduled to complete their tasks and to reunite with their families. But I saw the unexpected. A flash from this already brilliantly flamed shuttle and the Columbia began to break from it’s shell. Ceramic-like tiles made to displace heat and cold violently were torn from the capsule and crisped into the outer atmosphere. The shuttle must have titled sideways and then began to explode and detonate from the heat as it reached parts of the shuttle that were not made to handle such pressure. Then I saw despair. People crying, children crying, and the president wiping away a tear. The future of hugging their spouses and children and spending time doing research at NASA was torn from their grasp. Their approach home took another course. I saw myself and how I mocked over the lives of seven people. Seven people I’ve never known, never talked to and never seen at work. I saw how pitiful I am at the great highschool at JF with my hopes of being in acoustical engineering and how futile I am. I saw the dreams of seven people to do something greater than themselves and to go somewhere that few can ever experience. I saw love fall down. And I went that way.

The days arriving up to today were all genuinely different. I saw some movies, The Princess Bride and The Patriot. I spent some time with Adam and Rianna. I dj-ed a party for a THP friend. I aspired hopes about college and that realm. I also finally made a choice to one day leave this awful Homestead account and get my own real site (who knows maybe it’ll be soon).

Live life and don’t be afraid to fall.